“It’s hard to hold your head up when you’re kneeling down to pray and talking don’t come easy now. When the words get in the way. If you could see what’s going on, behind these private eyes. The truth would look so easy now but I’m running out of lies.” This is lyrics from one of my favorite bands Def Leppard *All I Want Is Everything and yes you guessed it, this song is the inspiration for today’s blog post.

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Yesterday I told my baby girl that I love her more than anything on this planet in which she responded “not true. You love *Def Leppard  & *Franz Ferdinand more” which okay yes these are my favorite bands but it’s true MoMo I do love you, your brother, sister and cousins more than life itself. As she and I go for our Starbucks fix, she asked me what’s is my favorite Def Leppard song. I love *Animal but I guess my favorite changes depending on my mood. Right now my favorite is All I Want Is Everything. The song is about a man coming clean or at least trying to find the words to express his feelings of regret well that’s one interpretation.

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Nine years ago my family experienced a unexpected loss when both my mother and my Aunt her sister passed away months apart. My mother was in a situation that she was on life support for days before her end. I listened to this song a lot during that time. I can relate to the line “it’s hard to hold your head up when your kneeling down to pray.” I think about all the times I kneeled down to prayer hoping for that miracle that never came. “And talking don’t come easy now, when the words get in the way.” Once you stop praying there’s really nothing left to say. If I had to describe how I felt, it’s like playing a football game but your not the player on the field, your on the sidelines. The ball is your heart and try as you might to get in the game you can’t. You can’t stop the players on the field from taking the ball and running with it. You just watch the ball go back and forth hoping that you’ll get a chance to play.

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“All I want is everything. Am I asking too much? All I want is everything. Like the feel of your touch but all I have are yesterday’s. Tomorrow never comes.”

Nine years later I’m finally coming to terms with the loss. I griefed my mother’s death for a long time. I understand what it’s like to have no words, no truths, no tomorrow only yesterday. It’s amazing another person pain and confusion could be someone else’s saving grace.

Def Leppard is currently on *tour with Journey and I highly recommend catching their show.