WHEN I DIED

Lay me down to sleep here in this final of final resting place six feet deep. All alone naked like the day I was born, here in the dark and cold I’m not afraid anymore. I can hear faint voices whispering “I Miss You” spilling tears as if we were actual friends. Funny I never knew how much you cared. When I was alive you barely notice me. I was a shadow among a sea of the beautiful people. Faceless, nameless yes that was me. Everyone standing over me dressed in black, as if I’m the Queen and they’re my guard. Umbrella’s filling the sky protecting those from the elements that came to mourn me. Finally I am popular to all.

🍸🍸🍸

Where were you when the sun shined down on my face and the gentle breeze kissed the long tall summer grass? You bring me flowers, roses that was my favorite. Alex placing one single red rose on my grave as if we had loved a lifetime. Whispering those three words so sweetly “I Love You”. Those dangerous beautiful words falling flat on the green grass on this hillside, carries no meaning, not anymore. Left here alone in my own private misery, in a hell I couldn’t escape. You laughed at me when I cried. You crushed me when I tried to fly chasing that illusive optimistic dirty word HOPE. You stand there in you mask hugging my papa as if your well wishes is legit. Yes papa we’re all friends, friends til the end.

🍸🍸🍸

I exist in this frozen state, forever youthful as a teen going on her first date. All the fire that once burned through this body full of life is extinguished. Nothing left but the ashes at the bottom of this urn. My spirit that once flew high now lingers in the cold watching those who come to mourn the dead girl who passed away too soon. Each face standing over me crying as if we were the best of friends none I can recognize. I wonder do any of you even remember me well enough to know? Do you know my name? Do any of you know what I did to get here? So many faces, so many empty shells. The truth is when I was alive none of you bother, so why bother now? They all come not to mourn me but to see the face of suicide. There’s no novelty in being a martyr for I’m no martyr. I was once a person who wanted to be heard. I was once a girl who wanted to be loved. Don’t waste anymore tears, save them for someone you truly care about.