TODAY….

Today you passed away without a whisper, without any mention, quietly without any notice. As we say goodbye, I look at you laying in this box not knowing who you truly are. Truthfully, I never really knew you other than what you displayed which is cold and distant. It didn’t have to be this way, but this mess is by design, your design. As I stand here with friends and family gathered to mourn your memory and somehow I’m expected to have some kind of reaction. I do have a reaction but it’s not the kind most here expect. How can I shed a tear for a man who when he divorced my mother he divorced me. And now twenty plus years later, now a adult with a family of my own, I’m standing here looking upon you in that box wondering did you miss me? Did you ever love me?

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Today your family laid to rest, I stare around looking at people who a complete strangers. I wonder do they really know you? Do they know what you did? Leaving your young family and raising another man kids, kids who grew up to hate you, mistreat you, abuse you kinda the way you treated mom and me. The truth isn’t so kind and neither were you. I’m a daughter left trying to understand why it has to be this way. I’m a daughter left wondering why you walked out on me, giving up on me. What did I do that was so wrong for you just walk out closing the door? I am a daughter who is angry, confused and hurt. Yes this pain never ever goes away and now I stand here expected to mourn the man who is cruel in nature. My heart wants to go back, go back and push the reset button, clean the memories of mom on her knees begging you to stay. Watching mom crying left broken. All the struggles and sacrifice mom made so we can survive.

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Today saying goodbye to you is easy, in this moment the wayward daughter has come home, I stand in front all these eyes watching I just want to scream out the truth. How you really are a coward, who runs out when the things get tough. I want to stand tell the truth that they’re mourning a monster who is a selfish old spiteful. A man who doesn’t care about hurting anyone least of all his wayward daughter. Today I stand here all proper giving these people what they want a LIE. You see, these people can’t handle the truth about your lack of character. Your lack of compassion, your lack of love for a child you left behind. Today I stand over you magnanimous, strong and not broken, showing them that your cowardice act didn’t break me. I stand here today because I know what love is. I know about compassion, bravery and strength.