Hello all you rockers of words, today blog is inspired by a conversation had by friends who shared different experiences of coming out. A very dear friend of mines a champion came out to me when we were twelve. I had no idea what “Gay” meant. I didn’t understand why he was trying to explain his feelings. I never looked at him differently because of that. “K” and I always have a love for two things BOYS and MOVIE QUOTES. I remember sitting in the bleachers at school during P.E. we would watch the boys and share in some interesting innocent sport-like banter. To this day he’s is one of my dearest friend who I will lay down my life for.
“Ouiser, I love you more than my luggage.”Clairee Steel Magnolias 89′
Coming out in any capacity is difficult. It’s difficult to live in your truth under judgement. It takes a set of big brass balls to walk this path. Once out the world is a bigger place. Freedom to shed that old skin is refreshing.
The Come Out Concept
“Ma, Pa I’m Gay!”Concept of Coming Out are different
“Daddy I’m pregnant!”
“Mommy, Daddy I’m married and he’s not white!”
“Kids, your mother and I are getting a divorce.”
“Family I’m diagnosed bipolar!“
“Honey, we’re broke.”
Ideally the concept of coming out is straight forward. Either way you come out, you’re never prepared for the disappoint, judgement and the stigma thus making this one moment something anyone can identify with. If you’re lucky, whomever you come out to should welcome you with open arms but for many this isn’t the case. As our conversation carried on, one friend had such horrible experience with her family coming out as Lesbian. The other friend had a good experience coming as gay. Another got mixed reaction after her coming out about her mental disorder. My experience of coming out with my bipolar disorder a second time is a little bit different.
“We are a symbiont society what affects one affects all”Obi Won Kenobi The Phantom Menace 99′
Having trouble speaking your truth?
Contact the “Human Rights Campaign“
Twenty-Two The Second Coming
For a period of time, it was thought that my behavior had stable out. My symptoms was always there but my impulse reaction not as big. My outburst went from one hundred to a three leading my family to believe I was cured. All but my mother believed this to be true. When I turned twenty-two, I ran off and married the man I dated for six months. The trauma of marrying a man who is a momma boy was frustrating. Both of us struggling with mental health him having childhood trauma, we didn’t understand what we got ourselves into. After the elope, back at home living life separated from both families the cracks started to appear. We started to see a marriage counselor as well as a therapist individually. During this period I realized what I did. The gravity of this decision wore heavy on my mind. At some point we have to tell our families.
“Hello family meet my husband and oh by the way he’s suffers from traumatic depression. Oh by the way my bipolar is back. In fact it never left. All those crazy ideas I had. Those crazy impulses are a result of my bipolar disorder.”Sunny Larue
This is how I came out to my family AGAIN. I was terrified, but felt it necessary to spill the beans. I had diarrhea of the mouth, letting my words flow like pooh falling into the toilet. I was scared that my mother wouldn’t want me or love me as much now that the bipolar is back. His family No Bueno. They didn’t accept me nor his disorder. He like me have a mother who is highly influential. She wasn’t having it. Any of it. Him marrying a black woman who is crazy. HELL NO!
My family way of supporting my bad impulsive behavior is just smiling at the elephant in the room. Hoping that things will work out for the best. It wasn’t until my mother putting her foot down, laid down the law.
“You’re twenty-two, a college dropout, working a dead end job, married and crazy. Now how to handle this mess?”Carolyn my momma
Momma always had a way with words. We talked she explaining what a vowel of marriage is and what all of this means. How hard it’s going to be for us because the cards are stacked against us. We had to work really hard for a successful outcome.
Momma Not Having It
I told my mother everything the therapy, marriage counseling his family rejection all of it. Her words;
“this is what happens when you’re quick to the draw”.Carolyn my momma
She suggested that the six of us have a little pow-wow clear the air. Six of us? I’m sitting at the table with three tough minded women. My mother her road-dog little sister Aunt Pat, his mother her husband and his father. My husband played translator his father only spoke spanish. Let the sparing begin. It was rough watching my mother, his mother jockey for dominant position. After my mother sizing up the situation, she decides it best to have her and the family intentions known and leave it there.
It’s No Good
My marriage last five years. The divorce last longer than the marriage. Eventually splitting everything including the cats…don’t ask. We both realize that marriage wasn’t for us. Neither one was ready to take on such a heavy thing. Me constantly struggle with my “Chum”. He not knowing how to deal with that. He too dealing with his own demons. Although very painful, walking away was the best thing.
End Of Conversation
As our conversation came to an end many of my friends were shocked that I actually come out re-introducing my type I bipolar disorder. I have to remind them coming out isn’t only owned by LGBTQ community. Everyone has something to come out to. Who wants to live a lie? Like a snake shedding its skin for new that’s what coming out is all about. Coming out shedding our old skin to adapt a new one. Living your best life in your truth no matter of judgement is a beautiful thing.
If you are having thoughts of suicide or self harm please call 911 or National Suicide Prevention Hotline (800) 273-8255
Your not alone.
Articles used for research of this blog; The Advocate- “Coming Out”
Until Next Time….