WARNING: This post is of an opinion and based on personal experience. Sunny Larue is not a licensed physician or licensed therapist. The information used for this blog is on research basis only. If you are experiencing suicidal thoughts or self harm, dial 911 or local emergency operator or contact National Suicide Prevention Hotline at (800) 273-8255. NSPH services are open to the public 24/7. If you are struggling with mental illness, mental disorder or know someone who is struggling and need more information or assistance contact your local Church, Mental Health Clinic, local Hospital or Healthcare Provider.

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Introduction

Hello all you beautiful words commanders, this is typically how I start off my blogs but with this post I want to try a different approach. This blog will showcase five short stories. These stories are a reflection of a person’s fight for survival in a world of darkness of gray. The lines between reality aren’t blurred but the interception of  one’s idea of what reality is. Like a series of freeways or highways that leads you back home. Feedback is always welcome but keep in mind this particular blog is intense. These stories are based upon real people who reads my blogs. All I ask is to be respectful. 

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The Dark

The dark is coming. I can feel it in the air.  So thin and brisk the wind blows. The smoke slowly rolls in blinding I can no longer see the light. Gone is the warmth of an embrace of you. Gone are the birds flying high on the gentle wind that carry them across the sky. The nights will last forever and I will lay here naked alone with my dark thoughts. Not scared of the unknown but terrified of my thoughts of the unknown. Nothing here in my head exists. Just the pending darkness looming on the horizon.  How long will this last? I don’t know. My only concern is that I last through this night.

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That’s A Pretty Face

It’s morning, out in the world the sun shines brightly to those who are up and running but for me the dark is coming ever so close. I wear this pretty face mask to hide the bouts of desperation and despair. This is my smiley face that cracks a grin when asked “Are you okay?” giving the gold standard answer “Yes”! Betraying my natural instinct to speak the truth because in this reality every ounce of my being is trying hard to hold back all my dark. I’m scared. My soul broken and tattered. My soul partly stolen by the dark trying to recover and put back what’s left of the pieces.  Can you help me fix my shattered soul? Will you be here to hold my hand? Will you be here to wipe back my tears? Yes, that’s a pretty face.

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Thief In The Night

My condition hides the beauty that lives with in this space. This beauty captured and stored in a tiny box deep in my soul. My condition innocently complicated can be often times deceiving. A jack of all trades my condition comes like a thief in the night. Robbing my soul of it’s freedom and beauty leaving this mess of uncertain, doubt and despair. I can hear it getting so close. I’m afraid to close my eyes. The voices it send for me again like thieves in the dead of the night. I must be visual and on guard at all times. Its scouts sits on my shoulders watching, waiting patiently for me to slip up. Waiting for the right time to swoop in robbing me of everything. These white walls padded with foam can’t stop the thieves in the night.

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Shed My Skin

Look into my the depth of my soul, shedding my skin like a snake captured by his evil hand. This garden is lush with green, yellow and orange a beautiful illusion. Looking into this mirror my heartbeats but I don’t recognize this version of me.  The dark once on the horizon is now here. Black smoke fills my lungs. Breathing in this stale air I struggle to survive. Slowly this infectus poison coats my throat. Fighting is useless when you’re up against the nothingness. I’m a soldier of misfortune. I’m wrapped in its grasp. I bend to its will. An assassin is what I become. I cut down everything that was once good. With every strike, a piece of my soul is lost forever. I hate myself for having such dangerous thoughts.

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But Wait

I can’t go out this way.  I can’t go down without a fight. I can’t let this dark settle in completely dimming my light. I’m on my hands and knees kneeling down to pray. It’s hard to hold your head up while kneeling down to pray. Lord please hear my cries. Remove this dark force from my life. This dark is an evil thief in the night. As I walk into the light my pretty face hides the destruction that’s within. Waiting to shed my skin born a new.  I live it all to you. Turning my life over to you. I pray to you Lord keep clean me against the dark. Amen.

Until next time….

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