This post is of the opinion of Sunny Larue. Sunny Larue is not a licensed healthcare physician nor gives any medical advice. If you are experiencing suicidal thoughts or self harm call 911 or contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (800) 273-8255
Hello all you magical wizards of words, today’s post is inspired by writing prompt “sorrow” and the effects of this emotion has on the mentally health challenged. This short was written when I was seventeen a year after I was diagnosed. James Taylor music heavily influenced my writings Fire and Rain is one song that I related to. The line “Suzanne the plans they made put an end to you” is in reference to childhood friend Suzanne Schnerr suicide. I tweaked it a bit but it’s interesting to see the difference in feelings from the late eighties as a teen and today as a forty something adult.
Fire And Rain:
Just yesterday morning, they let me know you were gone. Suzanne, the plans they made put an end to you. I walked out this morning and I wrote down this song, I just can’t remember who to send it to. I’ve seen fire and I’ve seen rain. I’ve seen sunny days that I thought would never end. I’ve seen lonely times when I could not find a friend, but I always thought that I’d see you again.
Won’t you look down upon me, Jesus, You’ve got to help me make a stand. You’ve just got to see me through another day. My body’s aching and my time is at hand and I won’t make it any other way. Oh, I’ve seen fire and I’ve seen rain. I’ve seen sunny days that I thought would never end. I’ve seen lonely times when I could not find a friend, but I always thought that I’d see you again.
Been walking my mind to an easy time, my back turned towards the sun. Lord knows when the cold wind blows it’ll turn your head around. Well, there’s hours of time on the telephone line to talk about things to come. Sweet dreams and flying machines in pieces on the ground.
Oh, I’ve seen fire and I’ve seen rain. I’ve seen sunny days that I thought would never end. I’ve seen lonely times when I could not find a friend, but I always thought that I’d see you baby, one more time again, now. Thought I’d see you one more time again. There’s just a few things coming my way this time around, now. Thought I’d see you, thought I’d see you, fire and rain, now.
If you are experiencing thoughts of suicide or self harm call 911 or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (800) 273-8255
Standing here at the edge of the horizon watching this flame flickering burning inside turning into a wildfire. A fire that burns swiftly through my battered soul. I am consumed by this intense feeling of pain, hurt, abandonment and disappointment I stand to lose everything. Consumed and controlled by this fire that slowly poisoning my mind. Too weak to stop it. Too powerless to avoid it, through the numbness do I stand to win this fight? My senses are on flight and flee mode. My soul burning red hot giving up the fight. A fight not worth fighting anymore. What will happen if I closed my eyes what would I see? If I closed my ears what would I hear? If I just closed myself down what would I feel? Would anyone care?
Standing on the edge of the beach with the sand crumbling beneath my feet. The waves crashing on the beach retreating taking the sand surrounding my feet as I slowly sinks into the sand. Moving closer the little grains of sand dancing between my toes makes me feel alive. Breathing in the sea air that burns through my senses giving me a false sense of calm. Seagulls hover overhead as if they want to engage in some strange conversation. What are they trying to say? Moving slowly towards the water embracing the cold that puts out the fire that burns within. I close my eyes submerging my face beneath the water as the wave crashing above my head pushing me down towards the abyss. I’m captured, I can’t fight anymore. My jailer sees all. My jailer hears all. My jailer knows all. Entomb in my final resting place. Dark, wet and cold here in the void. Letting go I am home now.
If you or someone you know experiencing signs of mental illness or disorder please contact your local hospital, healthcare provider, healthcare physician. If you are experiencing suicidal thoughts or self harm call 911 or contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (800) 273-8255
Please remember my face. Please remember my embrace. Please remember me with love and grace.
If you are experiencing thoughts of suicide or self harm call 911 or The National Suicide Prevention Hotline (800) 273-8255 Veterans press #1
Veterans Crisis Line: (800) 273-8255 press #1
Substance Abuse And Mental Services
National Suicide Prevention Hotline
Veterans Crisis Line
Until next time….
Estimated word count: 450