This blog post is inspired by my puppy Franz Rocket Skywalker or lil’bit. Death is never easy to face especially when you fight to stay. Sometimes letting go is far better than suffering. Death will come knocking again and again until one day she’ll come knocking for us. I’m learning it’s not how, when or where you die that matters. It’s how you lived that counts.
LOVE AND HEARTBREAK
Today I held you in my arms with love and joy. Tonight I watched you sleep singing a song from my soul. Tomorrow I will bury you with a broken heart with sorrow in tow. Death came knocking, we both felt her. We both saw her determined not to let her in. Patiently she waits for the right time to take you to where you need to be. A place beyond the rainbow and the beautiful blue sea. A place where you are free of pain, sorrow and suffering. A place where puppies dance on cotton ball puffy clouds. A place I can’t follow not yet at least, it’s not my time.
With a broken heart and tears filled eyes you and I take our last long ride. Holding you close so stiff, so cold, so empty you can’t hear my screams “why Death why? Why couldn’t you just leave!” “No rhyme or reason, it’s just his time” Death says. “Don’t think about this as goodbye but so long for now.” I will deliver you to Death wrapped in your favorite blue blanket lying on top of your favorite chew toy.
Then a familiar sense fills this empty space. I felt the arms of your embrace. Holding me with all the love I need to make this transaction with Death complete. I felt her breath whisper in my ear “don’t cry he’s here.” As I sign papers and hand what is left of you over to the animal control, Death points me towards the exit making sure I understand this; utterling these few words “Death is a part of life. We are born, we live then we die. Taking part in dying is never easy and a job I don’t enjoy. No more delay, it’s time to go. It’s time to say so long.”
SO LONG FOR NOW
Walking back to my car I dare turn around but something inside says don’t look back. Fighting it I lose when I look back I see you. You’re next to her playing as she waves so long. Happily you are bouncing around her healthy and beautiful. A bright light appears revealing Death’s true self. With white wings stretched out long as a snow owl gliding home Death once again says “so long for now”. I feel comforted by the glow of her heart and the spirit of you. I just saw a glimpse of heaven, my mom and you.
I love you Carolyn V. Wormely “mom”
Until next time…….
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