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I wonder what my life would be like if I had a normal mind. It’s a question I often ponder. I also think without my “Chum” I wouldn’t have the life experiences that make me, me. I say all this because I was recently asked how I want to be remembered. It’s a question that I can’t readily offer up an answer other than the feeling of sorrow. Hello all your rockers and rollers of words today blog post is inspired by the question of all questions how I want to be remembered


Today my eyes are wide open. For the first time in days I can see everything clearly.  Although sorrow is never too far behind but for now all is at bay. Sorrow is the only word that I can articulate a feeling of sadness for my champions.  Let me explain, episodes are difficult to control. Difficult to navigate and at times difficult to understand.

“Control” is that dirty of dirty words.  Control gets people into trouble especially when you’re attempting to control a situation that is uncontrollable.  That’s how my episode feels. At the start I feel like I have a handle on my bipolarism then boom just like that I find myself in a dangerous situation that is triggering my Chum.

“Navigate” not as dirty as control but just as dangerous because after realizing the lack of control you have now you have to navigate the dark waters.  I find the best way to navigate an episode is to isolate myself where I don’t lash out or hurt my champions. Oddly, I have to tread carefully because isolation can lead down a rabbit whole which can be difficult to come back from.

“Understanding” is a tricky thing because people seem to know you and that’s not the case.  People see a perception of personality thereof they think that’s you. My Chum is just a tiny part of who I am.  There’s a lot of factors to my personality, my Chum that I don’t expect anyone to understand. You know the saying “never judge a book by it’s cover” that certainly applies.

No one struggling with mental illness or disorder asks a loved one to jump on the merry-go-round with no chance of stopping. That’s not fair however, I am grateful for the people in my life who are willing to stand by me no matter what.


When I find myself in a state of sorrow or sadness I follow these tips:
1. Breakout of repetitive behaviors.
2. Remove yourself from a toxic environment.
3. Surround yourself around good upbeat positive people; (dinners, dancing, movies, board game parties)
4. Get moving; go for Walks, a Jog or a Run.
5. Indulge in favorite hobbies; (cooking, crafting, writing, singing etc.)

Until next time….

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