Category: Blogs

NAME , IDENTITY, ONE RULE

SUPPORT OF COMMUNITY

Music is one way most people struggling with mental health use as a tool to help navigate through dark times. With #covid19 nearly putting an end to touring the only way musicians get recognized is through word or mouth and social media. Please support the music community by purchasing new music and subscribing to their social media and channels. You can also show your support by following their music on streaming platforms such as Spotify, Apple Music or wherever music is streaming.

🍸🍸🍸🍸

INTRODUCTION

What’s in a name? I often wonder why or how people received unique and unusual names. The stories behind nicknames or birth names have always been interesting. I get questioned a lot about both.  I’m ready to share how I acquired the nickname of Sunny Larue.  Larue is my birth middle name. Yes I know it means “the street” in French but Sunny that’s a story. When asked about my nickname, I give that perfect I’m okay with you being so intrusive smile but really I’m very uncomfortable with your inquiry then my reply “It’s because of my smile”. Truthfully honest I hated both names because both names overtime have become identified with “my chum” aka bipolar. However in time with a lot of therapy and hard work I learned to accept what is giving to me. In this acceptance I taught myself the one rule that prevents the painful outside world into my head space. A rule I recently broke.

🍸🍸🍸🍸

Continue reading “NAME , IDENTITY, ONE RULE”

SO-LONG

INTRODUCTION

This blog post is inspired by my puppy Franz Rocket Skywalker or lil’bit. Death is never easy to face especially when you fight to stay. Sometimes letting go is far better than suffering. Death will come knocking again and again until one day she’ll come knocking for us. I’m learning it’s not how, when or where you die that matters. It’s how you lived that counts.

🍸🍸🍸🍸

Continue reading “SO-LONG”

REALITY CHECK

INTRODUCTION

Today I cried. My tears came as a surprise to think about the year twenty-twenty as something to cry over. Yes, like most people I have lost something but is the loss worth these tears? My heart took the blow too hard and heavy. However, my head is standing rock solid not to be suede either way. I don’t know why such things are so difficult to face. I don’t know why it’s so hard to let go. I don’t know why it’s so hard to forgive. I don’t know why we choose to hold on to pain, anger and loss. Hello all your rocker and rollers of words, today’s blog post is inspired by the emotions of holding on to pain, anger while dealing with grief, loss and learning how to forgive and to let go.

🍸🍸🍸🍸

Continue reading “REALITY CHECK”

START, WAIT, CHANGE

INTRODUCTION

Hello all you champions of words, it’s been awhile since my last post.  Actually it’s been some weeks since my last post, October 29th to be exact with the (Off The Wagon) post however I feel the need to express myself once again. It’s hard trying to guess where to start. It’s even harder waiting but when it’s all said and done it’s the change that makes or breaks us.  I learned this truth living in a post Covid-19 world. Eight months ago life was normal now here’s three principles that play a role in our daily routine; START, WAIT and CHANGE. Today’s blog post is inspired by these words.

🍸🍸🍸🍸

Continue reading “START, WAIT, CHANGE”

OFF THE WAGON

INTERLUDE

This blog post is inspired by Covid-19, Quarantine, Social Media and Mental Health. I apologize in advance for the lengthy post. I do have a lot to say. If you or you know someone struggling with thoughts of suicide or self harm seek help immediately or contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 800-273-8255. Staffers are there to help you get back on track.

🍸🍸🍸🍸

INTRODUCTION

Hello all you champions of words, it’s been awhile since my last post. Actually it’s been almost a year since the last blog post. Yes, I am writing. In fact I write everyday. It’s just that these days nothing I write makes up a coherent sentence let alone a full on blog ready for all to read. So what changed? Alot. I honestly don’t know where to begin. I hope you stay with me as we navigate through this rollercoaster ride. I promise it will all make sense in the end.

🍸🍸🍸🍸

DAILY COMMITMENT

Maintaining mental health is very important. It’s a daily commitment. I find myself struggling with this. I recently read an article by Mental Health America “Ten Tools To Help You Feel Better And Stronger” listing tools like eating well, exercise and getting enough sleep needed to maintain a positive outlook. Also servicing as a reminder that utilizing other positive tools such as Vlogs, diaries, journals and hobbies are useful in keeping the mind occupied. Along with medication and therapy using tools is good for improving your mindset. I just recently moved from journal entries to voice recordings. I want to listen to my Chum in such a raw and stripped down way. I want to hear what bipolarism sounds like and not just articulate my experience in print. These recordings give me an accurate account of my episodes. What I heard is a person spiraling out of control. Nothing is coherent and nothing makes sense. What I discovered is since Covid my Chum has paid me a visit a total of nine times. This is both disturbing and alarming. It’s the truth I wasn’t prepared to face.

🍸🍸🍸🍸

ADDICTION

Everyday I wake up crying. Spending most days in uncontrollable tears. At first I thought this is just me being sensitive. Then I thought maybe it’s just a case of the mean reds. I finally realize I’m in pain. Real pain. Not only mental but physical. With all the tools and goals set in place I somehow managed to slowly slip back into my old ways of introversion and isolation. It’s a comforter and a dangerous vice I thought I had overcome. I fell back into old habits of self harm, over indulging, overspending and doing things to distract from what is the real root of my episode.  It’s like recovering from drugs and drink. Do so well then falling off the wagon. It’s an Addiction I am all too familiar with.

🍸🍸🍸🍸

THE THESPIAN

And the Tony goes to….. what can I say? Me and Chum have become very good at covering up, masking and hiding his symptoms. There are signs but again family and friends aren’t quite sure how to approach me. I don’t make it easy either. I am the worst when it comes to asking for help. I think that’s the frustrating part of being in a relationship with me. I play that role of being that strong person everyone expects me to be. I don’t show any emotions that comes with my disorder in public. One of the tools listed in the Mental Health America article is connect with others yeah no brainer. I learned how to connect. I learned how to listen but I haven’t master the art of reaching out or really opening up. Sometimes I feel like no on cares but in reality we all are doing the same thing trying to be heard.

🍸🍸🍸🍸

RUSSIAN ROULETTE

Other vices I allowed myself to indulge in loneliness, worthlessness, failure and fear. The best way of putting this is like getting a gun then carrying this gun with you everywhere. Even relaxed the gun is sitting in your lap. You look down and think is today the day? That’s my headspace at this moment. You just want to bring yourself to throw the gun out but you can’t. I am confused and baffled as how I got back here. To be honest I know how I got to this head space. These past six months have been a challenge.  Quarantine has been my Chum best friend. Isolation, loneliness, worthlessness, failure and fear all have played their part. Where am I today?  Right this second? I’m here trying to find hope. I’m here trying to survive. It feels like my hand is on the gun with my finger slowly pushing the trigger back. I’m tired of all this nonsense. I’m tired of the pain. It’s difficult to just do simple everyday acts that most take for granite. I’m tired of being sick both mentally and physically. The air in the room is getting thinner to the point where it’s hard to just breathe. Although I’m surrounded by love, I can feel the hammer on this gun cocking back will today be the day?

🍸🍸🍸🍸

FINDING STRENGTH

It’s a dark and lonely place this tunnel has been and yet I see a tiny light flickering at the end of the tunnel. My heart tells me to focus on that and let the love that surrounds me bring me back. If only my mind can have such hopes. No matter how down and out things seems to be my heart always have hope. My heart shows love, kindness and acceptance unconditionally. Momma always told us “We have to learn to love ourselves unconditionally no matter what life throws at you. Stand in your own truth.” So here I am learning to love myself again. Learning to stand in my truth again. Learning to accept who I am.

Until Next Time

Word Count 993

The Vincent Ehindero Blogger Award

INTRODUCTION

Hello all you champions of words, I want to give a huge shout out to my blogging sister Claudia and thank her for nominating me for the “The Vincent Ehindero Blogger Award”. Claudia has an amazing gift for words that is well articulated in her award winning blog “Do What You Love; People-Life-Passion”. Claudia’s other nominees are fellow blogging sisters Kristian Weigman “Life Lessons From Around The Dinner Table” and Catherine Mullen “Shatter The Silence/A Life Given To Me”.  All three women are bright stars among the blogging and writing community. Check out their work and don’t forget to subscribe.

Let’s jump ahead to Claudia’s questions.

Continue reading “The Vincent Ehindero Blogger Award”

FACES OF SUICIDE: The Story of Brad

The people featured in this blog are of those who struggle with mental health and are no longer with us. Their struggle has helped bring awareness to Bullying, Anxiety, Depression. These people are faces of suicide. If you or you know someone in a crisis, having thoughts of suicide or self harm call 911 immediately or contact The National Suicide Prevention Hotline at (800) 273-8255 (24/7 – 365 days) Together we can break the stigma of mental health. To check out these amazing people and how their struggle impacted our lives click on the links below.

INTRODUCTION

Today I cried to point I couldn’t cry anymore.  If only I could’ve been there to help. If only I knew what to say. I would plead my case in the hopes of having my desperate pleads heard.  If only he could see the tears of pain begging him to stay. If only I can tell him how much he is loved.

🍸🍸🍸

March 3, 1972 - June 25, 2009 Suicide by Hanging https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yasmine_(singer)

Yasmine Hilde Rens
Singer/Actress
March 3, 1972 – June 25, 2009
Suicide by Hanging

Yasmine struggled with serve depression. Depressed by her breakup and divorce, Yasmine hung herself on a tree close to her sister home. She was 37.

🍸🍸🍸

Hello all you wizards of words today’s blog post is inspired by suicide. Twenty-nineteen was a year of endings. With the end of the decade in my group of champions our lives has dramatically changed. This is the story of Brad his struggle with mental health and his outcome.

🍸🍸🍸

Lee Thompson Young
Actor
February 1, 1984 – August 19, 2003
Suicide by Gunshot

Little is known of Lee final moments. Lee was diagnosed with bipolar and suffered from depression. Police were called to perform a wellness check when the actor didn’t show up for work. He was discovered deceased. He was 29.

🍸🍸🍸

This blog feature familiar faces who struggled with depression, bipolarism and varies mental illness. The goal here is to show mental illness doesn’t have age limits or discriminate nor know any boundaries. Your neighbor, co-worker, brother, sister, parents anyone can struggle with mental illness. Just because the picture appears to be perfect behind that smile is someone contemplating suicide. Your act of kindness and compassion can be the difference between life and death.

🍸🍸🍸

Kelly Yeomans
Pre-teen
May 22, 1984 – Sept. 28, 1997
Suicide by Overdose

Kelly is victim of school bullying. Described as a pleasant teen her tormentors were unmerciful in their attacks on Kelly. “It is nothing to do with you Daddy, nothing to do with you Mummy, and nothing to do with you Sarah (her sister). I have had enough and I’m going to take an overdose.” True to her word she took overdose. She was 13.

🍸🍸🍸