Original Post Date: May 7, 2019
Hello all you masters of words, today I’m feeling a bit down and under the weather. This week has been very tough in fact, this month has been very tough. I feel like my words aren’t being heard and I’m falling deeper into my depression. I put on a brave face, its all an act. Whenever someone ask how I am doing my generic response is “I’m doing just fine” clearly not true. I should get the Academy Award for best fake-smile. I’m far from being fine. I’m far from being normal, I mean what is normal? The truth is I’m scared, I feel beat-up and I’m worn-out. I am terrified of the things I can’t control. I blogged about this before where there’s such anxiety of things that haven’t happened that I spend weeks trying to control. It’s like your on a train the deer on the track you see it but this little time to react. Just buckle up and hope for the best. I’m so worn-out I been play at this game with a defeater’s attitude. The constant fighting is wearing me down, trying to be everything to everyone. Struggling is a term that is often used when describing an bipolar depression episode, however, I am beyond struggling I’m drowning. No rock I can crawl under will help hide the pain I am in.
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