Category: Short Stories

MY CHUM

depression-im-fine

“The Stigma of Depression” Ashley Laderer

Today I feel the weight of the world crashing down on me like a ton of bricks. This heaviness is like an underdog wrestler pinning down an opponent winning the match.  Unlike the wrestler, this is a match I won’t win today.  This weight slowly grows & morphing into an uncontrollable desperation. Some days this desperation is far off in the distant allowing me tiny bit of joy but today this desperation I often refer to as “my chum” is here to stay.  

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LACKING THE WORDS

This short is dedicated to you my beautiful babies Joshy, MoMo, Little Steve, Jay-Bird, NoNo, Mara & Monie who aren’t shy to be bold & to dream big reaching the stars & beyond. May your light grow brighter & shine bigger. I love you to the moon & back & beyond.

🥂🍾🥂🍾

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IMPERFECTIONS

Sitting here staring at a face I vaguely recognize. Every line, every crack tells a story of a life long lived. The story started with a young vibrant soul searching deep down looking for that light. A light that shines so brightly like headlights illuminating the darkest of nights.  Descending  into a world of club babies, I see my beacon of light dimming fading out into the night. My heart holding onto a reality that’s not quite clear, let’s take a trip a club baby yells out.  Yes let’s go running with the night, off onto another adventure.

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TODAY

Today I walked into life with a new sense of hope.  Yesterday I cried longing for a past that was devastating carrying the scent of you.  Yesterday I closed my eyes & dreamed of a life with you.  Today I opened those eyes no longer trapped in what you appeared to be.  Yesterday I danced on the ledge contemplating a jump in the hopes you finally see me & not through. Today I walked into my new life with clear picture of who I am.  

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BROKEN

Don’t bother trying fix me I’m broken. I’m not broken from what you did to me but broken from what I allowed. I cannot control your view of me I, however, can control my reaction to your twisted distorted world.

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BEAUTIFUL WHITE

This beautiful white lives in a place that dances in the spotlight, where there’s no sound only myself to face. This beautiful white my only companion constantly holds me in contempt, all the way to my end. Holding my hand like my dearest of friend, we have a giggle or two reminded of a life that once was. Here in this place unrecognizable colors puts on a show waiting for that final applause, curtin call & off we go. Performing the final act, I fall deeper into my darkness. Watching the bright lights of my world fades like a final act in a movie. This beautiful white my new best friend shows me a signa llowing me to crack a grin. “You’ll be okay” speaks the voice within this white guiding me towards the dawns spotlight. Ever so gently, ever so sweet the voice whisper “you have nothing to fear” bring my spirit to a calm. My beautiful white my savor, my rescuer saves me from the heaviness of the darks plight. My champion of the night gives way to the strength I never knew. The strength to close these weary eyes set to sleep. A deep slunder that is so profound it’s comforting, it’s peaceful & it’s sound.

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AT CHRISTMAS TIME

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Thomas Kinkade photo

Snow starts falling gently turning the cobblestone ground from brown to white. Winter is here you can feel it in the air. Cool crisp gentle breeze blows from northern heights to southern low whispering seasons greetings as it goes. Dancing in this winter white wonderland kids playing in the snow, ice skaters ballerina draws a figure eight then turning spinning fast, faster nails a perfect stick. Little Timmy making snow Angel’s with Lloyd & Bo letting out giggles in delight as they watch their breath freeze in the brisk air. Ding, dong the church bells rings in the new hour, mother say “it’s time for lunch my child” off we go on our adventure.

☃️🎄☃️

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KEE-A-BOO

Screenshot_20181223-003629_GoogleKee-a-boo I see you, I’m hiding a surprise. Putting my hands over my face then popping them out all over the place.  Gracefully I sit on dad lap playing my favorite game of cat-and-mouse. Daddy likes to put one hand over his eyes I guess it makes sense his hands are big like a slices of apple pie. Mommy hands are smaller so she uses both to cover her eyes no cheating, no peeking or you’ll see the surprise.

🎄☃️🎄

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DESIRE

My heart screams out for you, a desire that only you can quench. Never wanting someone as badly as I want you. Dancing a slow dance, first flirtation then chemistry attraction now I got you in my sights. Moving in for the kill, a playful kiss finally my heart gets what it wants & my heart wants you!

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MY BIG BROTHER

new-big-brother-clipart-1My big brother, so gentle, so kind taught me how to ride a bike zoom, zoom flying down the big hill we go.  My big brother, so lovable, so wise taught me how to count 1,2,3,4,5.  My big brother so fun, so sweet he sits next to me when I am sick reading to me my favorite book so neat.  My big brother, so warm, so endearing loves to give big hugs squeezing tightly like a bear hugging a tree ugh I can’t breathe. One day my big brother stopped being so gentle, so kind.  He stopped being so lovable, so wise.  The big brother I come to know the one who taught me all I know cease to exist.  

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54662_webMy big brother, who listens to the voices inside his head tells him to do bad things.  My big brother, consumed by hallucinations & delusions sits in his dark room confused & withdrawn from the world.  My big brother a victim of “schizophrenia”, a word so big & hard to pronounce this baby sister is powerless to stop the dark.  My big brother whom I adore sits alone in the dark facing every hellish nightmare, the noise too loud for him to ignore.  

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download (1)Fight you must fight to keep your mind I say, but mental illness doesn’t work that way.  You see the voices now controls his every mood.  My family once full of life is scared to move.  One step out of place we will see schizophrenia ugly face.  It’s a dance I rather not participate. The love I have will always remain no matter what face schizophrenia say it claims.  I love all of my big brother the dark, the insane & the good.  This baby sisters misses her big brother.

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This short story is inspired by mental illness awareness.  One out of five people will suffer from mental illness.  We all are affected one way by someone who suffers from schizophrenia, bipolar & other mental disease.  We must show compassion, patience & love to help our loved one deal with this disease.  For more information on mental illness or need assistance please click on the link👉👉 Mental Health Services.

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Please show your support for my friend Nicole Carmen.  Her website (Navigating Darkness) deals with the subject of mental illness.  Her blogs are vivid on how she if affected by mental illness & she and advocate for mental illness awareness.  You can follow her on social media (ItsNicoleCarmen).  And check out her project for Mental Awareness & how you can participate (The Mental Health Awareness Project) & twitter (officialMHAP).  

Your not alone.

Remember

be Kind💜

be Creative📑

Drink Responsibly🍸🚖🚔

BEDROOM WINDOW

Sitting by my bedroom window starting my day with a coffee & a smile, watching the sun rays give a magnetic light show. Hues of orange & yellow reflections dancing on my walls.  The dawn awakens my senses so alive like never before. I feel this overwhelming fire burning inside of me like waves crashing along the shore. The dawn of a new day has begun.

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MOVING AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT!

largeMoving at the speed of light. Floating high over the night sky. The white puffy clouds tries to greet me but only uttering a goodbye as I fly by to fast to stop to say hi. I’m moving so fast no time to slow down. A cool calm falls over me such gentle in nature & yet so familiar. I take advantage of this calm to look upwards the stars so tiny shimmering in the purple night like a diamonds bracelet.  Here in this place is always purple, always blue, always dark like my dreams of you. Light moving too fast, memory play a vanishing act disappearing right before your eyes. Any rational thoughts escapes the endless void of nothing. I can’t even remember my name. Will I ever see the light again?

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HER BEAUTIFUL SMILE

I seen her beautiful smile a thousand times over, in blue skies, in purple nights, in howling winds blows in scary delight. Her beautiful smile always standing watch like a lighthouse calling sailors home, protecting us from the upcoming storm. Her beautiful smile blocked all that is wrong with this scene. No shadows dance here only her beautiful light.

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THESE EYES

Crying Face Pencil Drawings Crying Face Pencil Drawings Simple Pencil Sketches Of Face - Drawing

Dancing in the light seeing you for the first time it would seems but these eyes has seen many versions of you. My weary eyes grows tired now. Old and not what they use to be but I still can see you my love dancing in the light. The heaviness falls over these eyes I’m in a fight to keep them open struggling giving it all I can.

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Looking Through My Rear View Mirror

Looking through my rear view mirror what do these tired eyes see? Cars, trees, people speeding fast past me.  The road ahead broken up concrete tell tales of the age that have seen many glories.  This road zipping underneath my car the double yellow lines waving goodbye.  I stare straight ahead realizing I’m looking into the future then I look back into the rear view mirror I see the past.

 

NOSTALGIC BEAUTY ESCAPES YOU

svoyretmhozu555ddcf7ddcb5Punching, Biting, Screaming, Kicking and Fighting I’m crushed under the heavy weight of your words. Ugly, Fat, Stupid, Useless, Weak are the words utter from your mouth. Every punch is like a knife cutting deeper and deeper until I can’t bleed no more. In grandeur style you draw back your bow ready for the kill carefully crafting your next move.  The nostalgic beauty escapes you. Your soul once beautiful filled me heart with joy and hope. Your eyes danced like diamonds glimmering in the midnight sky. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do, nowhere I would go. Hanging on your every word as the gospel, now I just hang waiting for the noose to grow tighter calling for the executioner complete this end.

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Autumn

1517610_1247067885310674_4972402343485808101_nAutumn leaves are falling stripping the trees bare. There’s a crisp breeze dancing in the air. The smells of pumpkin spice and everything nice is everywhere.  You and I sit on the porch welcoming the Autumn dawn. It’s that time of year again when I think of you most. Red, brown and yellow leaves falling around us and you holding me in your arms like a warm blanket on this Autumn day. Squeezing tighter and tighter, I can feel your heartbeat against my back. I can feel your warm breath on my neck, submerged in your embrace knowing that no one will ever love me in this way.

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HELLO MY NAME IS MISERY

Hello my name is Misery have we met? Yes we have in fact we were introduced by a mutual friend hatred. Oh that’s swell but as I remember you barely know me so let me give you a history about myself. As I stated I am Misery, I am like cancer that grows and fester right to the heart of men. You can not defeat me because I am learned process that takes years to master. Unlike leeches who will suck you dry eventually letting go or like snakes striking swiftly, quickly leaving death instantly, I take my time. I slowly invade your body, your mind, your soul spreading my disease to every single part of your body until there’s nothing left. I don’t know of compassion, empathy, love, respect, nor do I care. I only know despair, depression, addiction and of course my old friend hatred. Fight me, I will bring you to your knees. What do they say about me? “Misery loves company!”. I will admit some people have escape my grasp. Those who have escape are very strong, powerful, determined and know their self-worth. Most of you aren’t that powerful unwilling to overcome me allowing me to continue to spread.  Now that we been properly introduced………….

The lesson of this story is just because misery loves company doesn’t mean you have to accept the invite.

Be Kind!