As a child I thought my big lips were my downfall. Everyday I would get teased about the size of my lips. As far back as I can remember, as I grew my lips grew two size larger. In class I would sit and daydream about having plastic surgery to have them deflated. Momma use say “oh they’re all jealous because God gifted you these lips.” Jealous huh? It doesn’t feel that way when the kids point and laugh. I was called every name in the book every derogatory clever name created I was called.
Hello all you wizards of words, the last few days my trigger button was pushed and the security door was open letting out my Chum in all his forms. Today I’m feeling better, in fact feeling good enough to dive head first participating in a weekly ritual those of us on social media “Throw Back Thursday”. The inspiration for this memory is my eighties playlist. With songs like “I Ran”, “Union Of The Snake”, “Your Love” I am transported back to my Jr. High years. It was a time where my life completely changed. Taking on new responsibilities as my generation steps one foot closer to adulthood. It’s funny when you’re a kid you spend your childhood trying to convince everyone you’re old enough to handle things than once you become an adult, you spend the rest of your life trying to recoup your childhood. I guess this is why trending fads like Flashback Fridays or Throw Back Tuesdays are most popular.
A world without your love is the world I find myself dwelling in. The lights were turned off when you closed your eyes forever. Alone here in the darkness I wait for you in my dreams. In anticipation seeing your beautiful face. Longing to hear your soft voice whisper those beautiful three words “I Love You”. I live in this world cold cruel and dead without your kind touch, without your encouragement. I don’t want to stay in this world without you anymore. I want to be where you are, dancing in your light. I want to stay in this light embraced in your loving arms within your unconditional love only a mother can give.
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Today is Wed a hump day which is generally my favorite day of the week simply because I can say “Hump Day” and no one will get offended. Today been a busy day at my paying job. Looking around the office I noticing the colors a bright yellow, pink & green which is all good colors good sign and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Hello everyone, I don’t know where to start in regards to this blog post. This issue has been a thorn in my side for a long time all my adult life. I am a social butterfly but this has been a topic of conversation too many time. Let me start with this, I really don’t like it when my “friend” introduce me as “oh meet my black white friend”. REALLY, that’s how you’re gonna roll? Reading through the comments on my social media (sunnylarue on facebook), I notice a few people don’t get why this is such an issue for me and why I get so offended. I thought this would be a good blog to chat about.
Remember when you held my hand as we rode the scary rollercoaster all day by the seashore. Screaming indulging in fun partying in the light. Oh do you remember when we crashed your sister’s birthday party bouncing around like two kids on a treasure hunt. Remember when I held your hair back when you were drunk. Remember when I hugged you when you got dumped. Remember when I did your homework so you can make out with that biker guy. Remember that expensive shopping trip we took celebrating your promotion.
“I don’t allow myself to be human therefore my feelings of hurt, frustration and anger don’t have any value. This process invalidates me as a person. That’s the one thing I truly dislike about myself.”
Yesterday my Chum paid me a visit. True to rock star form, my Chum wasn’t alone. This time Chum brought band mates Manic, Doubt and Panic. Together this dynamic foursome tore the hotel room apart. It was a complete meltdown to the point I had to call my safe person who always pulls me back from the ledge. My meltdown was beyond hitting my trigger the red brick wall, I ran smack dead into it, through it and over the edge. Hanging on by the grip of my fingers I placed the call. I haven’t had that kind of breakdown in a while. My problem is I let things build up until I blow my top a trait I’m working on overcoming, however, I did see this one coming. At this point lacking control, there’s really little to do. I buckled up, stayed on the run-away train bracing for the wreck and hoping for the best.
Good AM all my fellow social media family, today blog is inspired by my favorite coffee house Starbucks. I’ve been a active member of the fame coffee house since 2005, and finally decided to get the golden rewards card in 2009, I’m well in tune with the “Starbucks Experience”, I even took a trip to Seattle 2005 and visit the first Starbucks, I was in coffee heaven. Starbucks is a place where dreams come true. I’ve sat many time blogging and writing scripts, stories so inspired by my surroundings.
Hello everyone, as I still travel down this journey of self discovery, I can’t go any further without mentioning the people who are Champions in my corner. Yes like everyone else we all have our flaws that’s what makes us fun, interesting, unique people and at times very frustrating. This one person above all others in my life played a huge role in help shaping me into this complex personality that is before you today. Without this person I would cease to exist. This person complexed, interesting, strong, endearing, sad, broken, magnetic, flawed, beautiful, beautiful, my beloved mother.