Today is Wed a hump day which is generally my favorite day of the week simply because I can say “Hump Day” and no one will get offended. Today been a busy day at my paying job. Looking around the office I noticing the colors a bright yellow, pink & green which is all good colors good sign and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Hello everyone, I don’t know where to start in regards to this blog post. This issue has been a thorn in my side for a long time all my adult life. I am a social butterfly but this has been a topic of conversation too many time. Let me start with this, I really don’t like it when my “friend” introduce me as “oh meet my black white friend”. REALLY, that’s how you’re gonna roll? Reading through the comments on my social media (sunnylarue on facebook), I notice a few people don’t get why this is such an issue for me and why I get so offended. I thought this would be a good blog to chat about.
Remember when you held my hand as we rode the scary rollercoaster all day by the seashore. Screaming indulging in fun partying in the light. Oh do you remember when we crashed your sister’s birthday party bouncing around like two kids on a treasure hunt. Remember when I held your hair back when you were drunk. Remember when I hugged you when you got dumped. Remember when I did your homework so you can make out with that biker guy. Remember that expensive shopping trip we took celebrating your promotion.
“You knock me out like a wrecking crew I’m back on my feet and all over you Faster than I’ve ever been before”
Hello all you mistresses and masters of words, it’s Friday and I’m still feeling the pressure from my Chum and his buddies. This week has been brutal. I’m still reeling from my meltdown and now I’m getting pressure from work. This co-worker is notorious for doing this to me. He waits until the last possible minute then gives me work saying he needs ASAP. That’s the thing about working at this firm they don’t teach you anything it’s a crash and burn situation.
“I don’t allow myself to be human therefore my feelings of hurt, frustration and anger don’t have any value. This process invalidates me as a person. That’s the one thing I truly dislike about myself.”
Yesterday my Chum paid me a visit. True to rock star form, my Chum wasn’t alone. This time Chum brought band mates Manic, Doubt and Panic. Together this dynamic foursome tore the hotel room apart. It was a complete meltdown to the point I had to call my safe person who always pulls me back from the ledge. My meltdown was beyond hitting my trigger the red brick wall, I ran smack dead into it, through it and over the edge. Hanging on by the grip of my fingers I placed the call. I haven’t had that kind of breakdown in a while. My problem is I let things build up until I blow my top a trait I’m working on overcoming, however, I did see this one coming. At this point lacking control, there’s really little to do. I buckled up, stayed on the run-away train bracing for the wreck and hoping for the best.
Today I feel the weight of the world crashing down on me like a ton of bricks. This heaviness is like an underdog wrestler pinning down an opponent winning the match. Unlike the wrestler, this is a match I won’t win today. This weight slowly grows & morphing into an uncontrollable desperation. Some days this desperation is far off in the distant allowing me tiny bit of joy but today this desperation I often refer to as “my chum” is here to stay.
This short is dedicated to you my beautiful babies Joshy, MoMo, Little Steve, Jay-Bird, NoNo, Mara & Monie who aren’t shy to be bold & to dream big reaching the stars & beyond. May your light grow brighter & shine bigger. I love you to the moon & back & beyond.
Sitting here staring at a face I vaguely recognize. Every line, every crack tells a story of a life long lived. The story started with a young vibrant soul searching deep down looking for that light. A light that shines so brightly like headlights illuminating the darkest of nights. Descending into a world of club babies, I see my beacon of light dimming fading out into the night. My heart holding onto a reality that’s not quite clear, let’s take a trip a club baby yells out. Yes let’s go running with the night, off onto another adventure.
Today I walked into life with a new sense of hope. Yesterday I cried longing for a past that was devastating carrying the scent of you. Yesterday I closed my eyes & dreamed of a life with you. Today I opened those eyes no longer trapped in what you appeared to be. Yesterday I danced on the ledge contemplating a jump in the hopes you finally see me & not through. Today I walked into my new life with clear picture of who I am.