Tag: Mental Disorder

FIRE AND RAIN

This post is of the opinion of Sunny Larue. Sunny Larue is not a licensed healthcare physician nor gives any medical advice. If you are experiencing suicidal thoughts or self harm call 911 or contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (800) 273-8255

Introduction

Hello all you magical wizards of words, today’s post is inspired by writing prompt “sorrow” and the effects of this emotion has on the mentally health challenged.  This short was written when I was seventeen a year after I was diagnosed. James Taylor music heavily influenced my writings Fire and Rain is one song that I related to. The line “Suzanne the plans they made put an end to you” is in reference to childhood friend Suzanne Schnerr suicide. I tweaked it a bit but it’s interesting to see the difference in feelings from the late eighties as a teen and today as a forty something adult.

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MIRROR MIRROR

Introduction

Spinning around on the turntable, as we (my friend and I) sit listening to High N’ Dry album by Def Leppard in celebration of a new 2020 world tour featuring the reunion of Motley Crue and Poison, Mirror Mirror, Look Into My Eyes comes on and we’re in awl of the amazing sound blaring from the speakers.  Joe’s sings “Gonna have to smash the glass”, my buddy says to me “it’s a fool who can admit defeat.” My response is “if this is true then why do we run from our reflection in the mirror?” Hello all you Santa’s little helpers today’s blog is inspired by Def Leppard’s song Mirror Mirror Look Into My Eyes and why we run from our reflection in the mirror.  There are many reasons why we run but the main reason is we don’t like to face the truth.

High N’ Dry (1981)

Def Leppard
“Mirror, Mirror (Look Into My Eyes)”
Mirror mirror
Just watchin’ with your eye of glass
You’re just a fortune wheel
With something that I wanna ask
Mirror mirror
Got my fate lyin’ in your hands
You’re the fool, you’re the juggler
Hangman and lover, you’re not like no other
Take a look into my eyes
Tell me what you see
Take a look into my eyes
Tell me is it true?
Take a look into my eyes
Oh when I look at you
Take a look into my eyes
Tell me is it me?
Is it really me?
Mirror mirror
Gotta know just what you see
My crystal ball
You’re lookin’ so sly and so sleazy
Mirror mirror
Hangin’ there with that crack in your eye
You make me stumble, make me blind
Time after time and line by line
[Repeat Chorus]
Mirror mirror
Oh tell me
You’re the fool, you’re the juggler
I ain’t met a lover, you’re like no other
Take a look into my eyes
Tell me what you see
Take a look into my eyes
Tell me is it true?
Take a look into my eyes
Oh it just can’t last
Take a look into my eyes
Gonna have to smash the glass
Take a look into my eyes
Take a look into my eyes
Take a look
Take a look into my eyes
Oh yeah
Take a look into my eyes
Take a look into my eyes
Take a look into my eyes
Take a look into my eyes
Take a look
Take a look into my eyes
Look into my eyes
Take a look into my eyes
Tell me if it’s me
Baby, baby, baby, baby
Baby, baby, baby, baby

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Can’t Stop Running

We run from the abuse. We run because of the hurt. We run to escape the pain of living. We drown our sorrows with drugs, drink and other bad behaviors. We run because it’s easy. Face it no one willingly accepts the hard way but we run into situations that isn’t the best taking a lifetime to learn the lesson. We don’t stop to think “is this what I should be doing?” It’s hard to hold the mirror up and actually love the person staring back.

Pump 1989

Janie’s Got A Gun
Aerosmith
Dum, dum, dum, honey what have you done?
Dum, dum, dum it’s the sound of my gun.
Dum, dum, dum, honey what have you done?
Dum, dum, dum it’s the sound Janie’s got a gun
Janie’s got a gun
Her whole world’s come undone
From lookin’ straight at the sun
What did her daddy do?
What did he put you through?
They said when Janie was arrested
they found him underneath a train
But man, he had it comin’ Now that Janie’s got a gun
she ain’t never gonna be the same.
Janie’s got a gun, Janie’s got a gun
Her dog day’s just begun
Now everybody is on the run
Tell me now it’s untrue.
What did her daddy do?
He jacked a little bitty baby
The man has got to be insane
They say the spell that he was under the lightning and the
thunder knew that someone had to stop the rain
Run away, run away from the pain yeah, yeah yeah yeah
Run away run away from the pain yeah yeah
yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
Run away, run away, run, run away
Janie’s got a gun
Janie’s got a gun
Her dog day’s just begun
Now everybody is on the run
What did her daddy do?
It’s Janie’s last I.O.U.
She had to take him down easy and put a bullet in his brain
She said ’cause nobody believes me.
The man was such a sleeze.
He ain’t never gonna be the same.
Run away, run away from the pain yeah, yeah
Run away run away from the pain yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
Run away, run away, run, run away
Janie’s got a gun
Janie’s got a gun
Janie’s got a gun
Everybody is on the run

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Facing The Flaws

Facing up to flaws that every human processes is down right scary especially for those who suffer from mental health. Speaking from personal experience, I sometimes see an ugly reflection. Sometimes when I look at my reflection I see sorrow, pain, hurt and distrust. I don’t know why that is. I went from being in a bubble, to introvert to a social person and to have this view is really iscine. I do have low self esteem but not in the way most views self esteem. My Achilles heel is my Chum.  I believe wholeheartedly that relationships and my Chum is a cocktail not worth drinking. No man on this planet would ever want to be in a relationship with such an ugly disturbed person. No one would want to have a friendship with someone who can’t properly articulate coherent sentences. When I express this side of my Chum to family and friends I get this “it’s not rejection because of your looks or Chum but you are intimidating and strong willed and most people have a hard time dealing with that.” Really? The truth is I’m bipolar, my highs and lows are a daily struggle.  One day I see beauty the next I see ugly. I also know that what you put out in the universe that’s what people see and react to. It’s a matter of what mask to wear when trying to run from the reflection in the mirror. 

“Run Boy Run”
Woodkid
Run boy run! This world is not made for you
Run boy run! They’re trying to catch you
Run boy run! Running is a victory
Run boy run! Beauty lays behind the hills
Run boy run! The sun will be guiding you
Run boy run! They’re dying to stop you
Run boy run! This race is a prophecy
Run boy run! Break out from society
Tomorrow is another day
And you won’t have to hide away
You’ll be a man, boy!
But for now it’s time to run, it’s time to run!
Run boy run! This ride is a journey too
Run boy run! The secret inside of you
Run boy run! This race is a prophecy
Run boy run! And disappear in the trees
Tomorrow is another day
And you won’t have to hide away
You’ll be a man, boy!
But for now it’s time to run, it’s time to run!
Tomorrow is another day
And when the night fades away
You’ll be a man, boy!
But for now it’s time to run, it’s time to run!

Until Next Time….

Word Count: 1301

ROUTE 66

September is National Suicide Prevention month. If you are experiencing suicidal thoughts or self-harm seek help immediately by dialing 911 or local emergency service or calling National Suicide Prevention Lifeline hotline 800-273-8255.

For more information contact
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

Introduction

Hello all you freedom writers, today’s blog comes courtesy of unlikely and unconventional inspirational moments. When you think of inspiration most people think positive thinking or positive feelings or a special personal memory that feels them up with joy however, after spending time alone on isolation island, I found these inspirational moments aren’t as positive but more dark in nature. I need to understand where this unhealthy destructive behavior began and how to better manage my Chum because my episodes are getting more frequently intense.

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HELLO, MY NAME IS

This blog is an option and that option is based upon personal experiences. I am not a license Doctor or healthcare professional. If you are experiencing thoughts of suicide or self harm call 911 or Suicide Prevention Hotline (800) 273-8255 immediately. Should you have any questions or concerns please contact your local hospital, health clinic, Church, healthcare provider or research online for more information.

Introduction

Hello all you rock n’ rollers of words, today blog post is addressing those misconception that comes with having Bipolar Disorder. Where to start this blog? Hello my name is Sunny Larue blogger, Martini admirer, music lover and I am diagnosed bipolar disorder. I think this post will be my third time going into detail about my condition. I know with this blog it will be more technical than personal. A good starting point is I get asked many questions about my condition but the common four questions are:

What Is Bipolar?

What Type Do I Have?

Why Do I Call My Bipolar My “Chum”?

How Do I Manage Episodes?

September is National Suicide Prevention month.
If you are experiencing suicidal thoughts or self-harm seek help immediately
by dialing 911 or local emergency service
or calling National Suicide Prevention Lifeline hotline 800-273-8255.

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13 REASONS WHY

Introduction

Hello all you keepers or words, today blog post hits a bit closer to home as it involves dealing with mental health specifically my diagnosis. I have been very open about my bipolar disorder in doing so blogging about something that is so personal it’s hard I’m not going to lie but being on this constant rollercoaster ride trying to seek answers to new questions it’s tough. Through therapy and support I learned some valuable tools that helps when in the mist of an episode.

This blog is based upon my personal perspective and experience dealing with a disorder.
The research of this blog is for informational purpose.
I am not a doctor or a license healthcare worker.
If you are experiencing thoughts of suicide or self harm call 911 immediately.

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BATTLE OF MY OWN

Introduction

Hello masters and mistresses of words, today blog post is inspired by songs by my favorite artists. These songs best describes the battle I currently find myself fighting. This week has been a hellish nightmare, a nightmare I can’t find myself out of. My armor is worn out tarnished, you can see the cracks deeping. I fear at this rate my armor I so depend will all be gone. It’s scary to hold onto something that most people think is insignificant. To me this shield my armor is a matter or life or death.

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CHICKEN SOUP FOR THE SOUL

D I S C L A I M E R! I am not a licensed healthcare professional. This blog is based on my own personal opinion and experience and not to be used as a self diagnosis guide. If you are experiencing thoughts of suicide, self harm or showing any symptoms of depression; SEEK MEDICAL ASSISTANCE FROM A LICENSE HEALTHCARE PROFESSIONAL or contact your local {Police Department}, {Fire Department}, {Hospital} or contact one of these facilities listed below or dial 9 1 1;

Vantage Point
National Institute of Mental Health
Substance Abused and Mental Health Service Administration (SAMHSA) 

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REMEMBER MY NAME

girl-1098612__340Today I am feeling lower than I can possibly go.  It’s shows.  My emotions are compromised and my strength my armor is slowly being chipped away.  With every frown or crossed stare I get from the powers to be, a crack appears on my armor.  If I stay here in this space, I fear there won’t be anything left.  It’s like that situation where you’re in a crowded room enjoying the scene then that evil force walks in sucking all the air and life out that’s how the current work space is.  Here it’s quite clear we all play by a different set of rules.  I should know this by now.  Naivety I hoped things would get better but with each inopportune moment is a slap in the face.  Yes they talk a good game but the truth is there’s no room for growth well if you are me in my position.  With all my experience the only thing I am good for is to sit here answering the few calls that comes through. 

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BITE YOUR LIP

I come to the conclusion when writing or blogging a thought or an idea to be honest.  When I write my words are a result from something traumatic in my life. These moments are like reflections.  Just like one would see a reflection in a mirror, words for a blogger/writer are just as such.  I find myself staring more and more at my words which are very emotional, raw, powerful and sometimes painful. Sometimes these emotions can be very difficult to face. It’s especially difficult putting yourself out on social media where the trolls thrive.  I often ask myself “is it worth the risk?”

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SISTERHOOD

Hello all masters of words, I normally start my blogs or short stories with some clever catchphrase but I decided to take a different approach because this subject is a touchy given the right conditions, can be a trigger for my manic-depressive state aka my “chum”.  I am like most women, I enjoy watching daytime television specifically talk shows but as I get deeper into watching I notice the all women panel engaging in relentless bickering and rude nasty behavior. Watching this type of behavior is very stressful.  I got to thinking with all the hatred and petty fights is the value of sisterhood over?

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