Today I am feeling lower than I can possibly go. It’s shows. My emotions are compromised and my strength my armor is slowly being chipped away. With every frown or crossed stare I get from the powers to be, a crack appears on my armor. If I stay here in this space, I fear there won’t be anything left. It’s like that situation where you’re in a crowded room enjoying the scene then that evil force walks in sucking all the air and life out that’s how the current work space is. Here it’s quite clear we all play by a different set of rules. I should know this by now. Naivety I hoped things would get better but with each inopportune moment is a slap in the face. Yes they talk a good game but the truth is there’s no room for growth well if you are me in my position. With all my experience the only thing I am good for is to sit here answering the few calls that comes through.
Hello blogging world. Today I am doing a spring cleaning of sorts, attempting to clean up my drop-box folder. Going through memories captured by photo of loves ones is always a difficult thing for me. Some photos are of those who have long passed and some are of life that is just beginning. The past few days I been engaging with my twitter buddy “Mr. T” in musical tastes and it’s decided that we would compile a top favorite artist list. Why stop there? Thanks to Mr. T, I am inspired to do more than just a favorite artist list and create a bucket list.
Hello all you wizards of words, the last few days my trigger button was pushed and the security door was open letting out my Chum in all his forms. Today I’m feeling better, in fact feeling good enough to dive head first participating in a weekly ritual those of us on social media “Throw Back Thursday”. The inspiration for this memory is my eighties playlist. With songs like “I Ran”, “Union Of The Snake”, “Your Love” I am transported back to my Jr. High years. It was a time where my life completely changed. Taking on new responsibilities as my generation steps one foot closer to adulthood. It’s funny when you’re a kid you spend your childhood trying to convince everyone you’re old enough to handle things than once you become an adult, you spend the rest of your life trying to recoup your childhood. I guess this is why trending fads like Flashback Fridays or Throw Back Tuesdays are most popular.
Today I need you to be quiet. Very quiet, in fact I need you to be very quiet that you can hear the sound of my heart beating. Thump, thump can you hear it? Racing so fast you can hear a musical patterning emerge. My heart beats like this in anticipation of what I am about to say. Shhh, can you hear that? It’s the ringing in my ear. Nervously my reaction to the thumping my heart beat is causing because what I have to say is so simple but true and that is I LOVE YOU!
Dream of colors that aren’t black and white, you’ll get a picture filled with bright. Life isn’t as simple and neither is black and white. The two goes together like peas and carrots. Contradictory nothing is as simple or as diverse than most colors of the rainbow. Red for instance you can use the primary colors of blue and yellow as well as secondary colors of green and orange to achieve red. Black is black and white is white there are not secondary colors. Shocking as this revelation is black and white beautiful than most, forever together til colors do part. I quite enjoy the views from the top in black and white.
This short is inspired by the simplicity of the colors black and white particularly in photos.
Uncontrollable thoughts I have many of them. I’m a manic-depressive, what do you expect. These thoughts seem to come out of nowhere causing great distress. I find myself at the of the pen staring at pages of lists I created out of nowhere and for no apparent reasons. It’s quite stressful trying to organize my chaotic thoughts. My pattern is always the same which I found to be strangely ironic. I will start an idea write it down spend time on it then lose interest. When I go back I feel there’s nothing to go back too just a bunch of blah, blah. Sometimes I can’t keep things straight. I feel like my head is a cork-board filled with thousands post-it-notes. Every note is a piece of a puzzle I’m trying to put together. Once the puzzle is complete I now have to find away to express these thoughts to the outside world in away that is healthy. The stress is unbearable I’m thrown into a world that is dark with no light at the end of the tunnel. All my thoughts are lost in the sea of nameless void prompting me to start all over. I really need to STOP and PAUSE because this adds to my stress level and heavens knows we do not need anything else adding to the state of confusion I already feel.
Green is the color of envy or so they say. I wear green every day. Ask me if I’m green with envy and I would say HELL YES. I’m green with envy trying to pick the winning lotto numbers I can’t seem to buy. I’m green with envy at a job that don’t I’m alive. Sitting at a desk day in and day out mindless nothing not even messing about. Working for a wage that barely covers the rent. Living here in this expensive hell you’re better off spending you pennies on a tent. It’s the uber driver who takes you on a ride to voodoo land. Either stopping a few feet ahead taking the next fare behind you or driving the most indirect routes you sitting in the back watching the money run out.
I honestly don’t know what to say. I don’t have any clever words of wisdom nothing but just feeling numb. I’m not particularly sad but I’m not happy either. Last week was a living nightmare and the energy that was drained from my body had taken a heavy toll on me. So much is going on in my world my job situation, my writing, my future all this is weighting heavy on my mind. It’s like the twilight zone has taken hold of my body throwing me in an ongoing loop of noise filled numbness.
Hello, I’m Sunny Larue known as the professional martini drinking blogger storyteller. I was diagnosed with depression at sixteen. My depression became manic at the beginning of twenty nineteen my Aunt passed then six months later the most important person in my life unexpectedly passed. When my mother passed all of my neurotic depressive behavior intensely magnified. The pain of losing both my Aunt who also had a huge impact in life and my mother I created a dream world that I kept getting lost in. I functioned like a “normal” person but honestly I felt like my dreaming world was taking over and spilling into reality. Pretty scary.
The rain falls gently touching the skin of the naked earth. The trees stripped of their leaves exposing their bare bark. Nature enjoying the gentle rain fall like a woman taking a long hot shower. Soaked, the tall green grass shiver in the brisk cool winter breeze and I alone with my thoughts watching as mother nature give us a show taking center stage delighting us with her beauty. So overwhelmed, I can’t help but to feel small in this equation as I am too naked.