I don’t know where I am in the grand scheme of things. My head feels like a merry-go-round spinning in circles a never-ending circle. I want to stop, I need to stop but I can won’t you help me. Everything hurts, every words, laugh and cry is painful too sensitive to act too sad to be happy I need love to light the way. I am a prisoner to this fate bleak drowning deeper into the sea of void sinking lower than Moby Dick’s occupants. Not lacking in faith, wishing for a band-aid to cover the scab I’m slowing picking at, screaming in a crowded room with no one looking up not evening giving a glance I’m here with this demon. A constant companion these days speaks to me in ways no one can comprehend. Scared no, just concerned that my mind is no longer my own. Fighting the good fight staying above water in the hopes that one day this dynamic dance will be done.
This short story is inspired by Bryan Ferry “Help Me”. Help Me is a song from the remake of The Fly (1986) starring Jeff Goldblum. The song does not appears in the movie but not on the soundtrack. The line “I’m a stranger to love won’t you help me” got me to thinking I know a lot about my disorder, however, there’s still a lot I don’t know. Parts of my disorder is still enigma. Science maybe never know what causes the brain to react the way it does. Having an understanding of mental illness or disorder is key in learning how to life and not just cope. Moby Dick