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Blogs, Confessions Of A Manic Depressive

START, WAIT, CHANGE

INTRODUCTION

Hello all you champions of words, it’s been awhile since my last post.  Actually it’s been some weeks since my last post, October 29th to be exact with the (Off The Wagon) post however I feel the need to express myself once again. It’s hard trying to guess where to start. It’s even harder waiting but when it’s all said and done it’s the change that makes or breaks us.  I learned this truth living in a post Covid-19 world. Eight months ago life was normal now here’s three principles that play a role in our daily routine; START, WAIT and CHANGE. Today’s blog post is inspired by these words.

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START

I can give you the standard definition of the word start but starting something is all interpretation of what the person is feeling. For me starting means making life time commitments and holding true to those commitments. Starting means there’s no room for failure, procrastinating or empty excuses. To start means to put one foot forward and keep walking no matter what.

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WAIT

As the late Tom Petty puts it so elegantly in the song The Waiting “the waiting is the hardest part” which holds some truth. Some people find themselves at a crossroads in which they’re waiting to start a change that is terrifying or how John Mayer nicely put it in his song Waiting For The World To Change “we keep on waiting for the world to change”.  Let’s be clear, to wait has its advantage but it’s also a downfall because some people in this stage of life spend a lifetime waiting for change but do not know how to embrace and adapt. In other words they find themselve stuck in a moment they can’t get out of. Like a record playing over and over or being on a never ending merry-go-around. To wait means how we must adapt and embrace life moments. The good, the bad, the ugly and the indifference we must learn to adapt and embrace to it all or stay stuck. 

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CHANGE

We can’t start something or wait for that moment without change.  To change is to face your fears. To change is to take ownership of your sh*t. To change is to grow. To change is to move forward. Some folks can never adapt to change and end up staying stuck in moments, choosing to stay in a time that has long passed. Never living in the moment and can’t see past the future.  Some folks stay because they are too afraid of change.  These things are interpretations and depend on the individual ability to adapt and embrace. 

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CONCLUSION

Change is a powerful entity that holds beauty if only we can see it. To start can be as beautiful just as beautiful as thousands of purple colored sunsets. To wait can bring joy and safety. Together these words can give life or take it away.  It all depends on YOU!

Until next time….

Word count: 1274

If you are or know someone struggling with thoughts of suicide or self harm call 911 or contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255. Staffers are ready to help you get back on track. Your not alone.
*Writing Prompts, Blogs

FACES OF SUICIDE: The Story of Brad

The people featured in this blog are of those who struggle with mental health and are no longer with us. Their struggle has helped bring awareness to Bullying, Anxiety, Depression. These people are faces of suicide. If you or you know someone in a crisis, having thoughts of suicide or self harm call 911 immediately or contact The National Suicide Prevention Hotline at (800) 273-8255 (24/7 – 365 days) Together we can break the stigma of mental health. To check out these amazing people and how their struggle impacted our lives click on the links below.

  • Marion Aye (actress) April 5, 1903 – July 21, 1951 *suicide by poison* Distressed over her film career, Marion will make several attempts. That summer she took a bottle of bi-chloride of mercury tablets dying eleven days later in a Los Angeles Hospital. Her last words to her husband were: “I dropped one of the tablets on the floor and I’m afraid the dog will get it.” She was 48.
  • Capital Steelz (rapper) July 7, 1993 – Dec 24, 2012 *suicide by jumping* “The End” last Tweet post 11:59 pm EST on December 24, 2012 shortly after Capital Steez jumped from the top of Cinematic Music Group HQ in Manhattan to his death. He was 19
  • Leelah Alcorn (transgender teen) Nov 15, 1997 – Dec 28, 2014 *suicide struck by semi-truck on interstate 71* excerpts from suicide note post to Tumblr “People say “it gets better” but that isn’t true in my case. It gets worse. Each day I get worse. That’s the gist of it, that’s why I feel like killing myself. Sorry if that’s not a good enough reason for you, it’s good enough for me.” In the early morning of December 28th Leelah walked onto Interstate 71 and was struck by a semi-truck She was 17
  • Jonathan Brandis (actor) April 13, 1976 – Nov 12, 2003 *suicide by hanging* Jonathan didn’t leave a note but friends did state prior to his death he drank heavily and was depressed over his career. He also talked of ending his life. He was 27.

INTRODUCTION

Today I cried to point I couldn’t cry anymore.  If only I could’ve been there to help. If only I knew what to say. I would plead my case in the hopes of having my desperate pleads heard.  If only he could see the tears of pain begging him to stay. If only I can tell him how much he is loved.

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March 3, 1972 - June 25, 2009 Suicide by Hanging https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yasmine_(singer)

Yasmine Hilde Rens
Singer/Actress
March 3, 1972 – June 25, 2009
Suicide by Hanging

Yasmine struggled with serve depression. Depressed by her breakup and divorce, Yasmine hung herself on a tree close to her sister home. She was 37.

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Hello all you wizards of words today’s blog post is inspired by suicide. Twenty-nineteen was a year of endings. With the end of the decade in my group of champions our lives has dramatically changed. This is the story of Brad his struggle with mental health and his outcome.

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Lee Thompson Young
Actor
February 1, 1984 – August 19, 2003
Suicide by Gunshot

Little is known of Lee final moments. Lee was diagnosed with bipolar and suffered from depression. Police were called to perform a wellness check when the actor didn’t show up for work. He was discovered deceased. He was 29.

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This blog feature familiar faces who struggled with depression, bipolarism and varies mental illness. The goal here is to show mental illness doesn’t have age limits or discriminate nor know any boundaries. Your neighbor, co-worker, brother, sister, parents anyone can struggle with mental illness. Just because the picture appears to be perfect behind that smile is someone contemplating suicide. Your act of kindness and compassion can be the difference between life and death.

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Kelly Yeomans
Pre-teen
May 22, 1984 – Sept. 28, 1997
Suicide by Overdose

Kelly is victim of school bullying. Described as a pleasant teen her tormentors were unmerciful in their attacks on Kelly. “It is nothing to do with you Daddy, nothing to do with you Mummy, and nothing to do with you Sarah (her sister). I have had enough and I’m going to take an overdose.” True to her word she took overdose. She was 13.

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Continue reading “FACES OF SUICIDE: The Story of Brad” →
Confessions Of A Manic Depressive

AMY AND ADAM

Interlude

Hello, I’m Sunny Larue known as the professional martini drinking blogger and diagnosed with bipolar. For my last blog post of twenty-nineteen, I thought I would finish a draft from summer where struggling with my mental state was very apparent. It’s no secret that one major contributing factors to my triggers is work related. This episode is a result of the stress of dealing with a workplace bully, unorganization of a temporary desk move and the loud sound of office renovation. Because of the chaos, I couldn’t jot down my thoughts in my journal instead I used post-it-notes and paper napkins. Once I pieced together my thoughts this blog took shape. Apologizing in advance my thoughts were all over the place. This happens when one is in the throws of a full blown bipolar episode.

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Continue reading “AMY AND ADAM” →
Confessions Of A Manic Depressive

ME, CHUM AND SIN CITY

Happy Hump Day to all you wizards of words, today blog post is about dealing with anxiety, my Chum his merry bandmates and Sin City. I know what an intro right? Trust me on this merry-go-round it will all come back around. The inspiration for this blog comes from my annual vacation to Vegas with my champions. Now buckle up and enjoy this ride.

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Continue reading “ME, CHUM AND SIN CITY” →
Confessions Of A Manic Depressive

CLOSED FOR BUSINESS

Hello words masters, today we all back at work from a long weekend that for us here in California seen a lot of rocking and rolling but despite all that I manage to quitely come down for yet another episode. Unlike the 7.1 magnitude quake we experienced, this episode was small but last longer than normal.

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Confessions Of A Manic Depressive

SURVIVING THE CHAOS, Warning Signs of Bipolar Depression

Hello all you masters of words, today I’m feeling a bit down and under the weather.  This week has been very tough in fact, this month has been very tough.  I feel like my words aren’t being heard and I’m falling deeper into my depression.  I put on a brave face, its all an act.  Whenever someone ask how I am doing my generic response is “I’m doing just fine” clearly not true. I should get the Academy Award for best fake-smile. I’m far from being fine. I’m far from being normal, I mean what is normal?  The truth is I’m scared, I feel beat-up and I’m worn-out.  I am terrified of the things I can’t control.  I blogged about this before where there’s such anxiety of things that haven’t happened that I spend weeks trying to control. It’s like your on a train the deer on the track you see it but this little time to react. Just buckle up and hope for the best.  I’m so worn-out I been play at this game with a defeater’s attitude.  The constant fighting is wearing me down, trying to be everything to everyone.  Struggling is a term that is often used when describing an bipolar depression episode, however, I am beyond struggling I’m drowning. No rock I can crawl under will help hide the pain I am in. 

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The Difference Between Sadness & Depression

Sadness vs Depression

Sadness vs Depression Most people who don’t understand the difference between depression and sadness often get the two confused. It’s very difficult to articulate what an episode is like. When you are in the grips of a full on bipolar episode it’s difficult to navigate the muddy waters of dangerous.  These dangerous waters consists of emotions of feeling angry, helpless, guilt and for some ending it all.  When you are sad you get a little down but you are able to bounce back. Depression is quite the opposite. Your dealing with multitude of emotions all at once and your whole being can’t quite get a grip on reality.  Basicly is like a skydriver taking that jump confident the shoot will open only realizing halfway down your in trouble and there’s no one there to help break the fall. This is how I been feeling lately.  This feeling is what I call “the uncontrollable factor“.

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