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Blogs, Confessions Of A Manic Depressive

SURVIVING THE CHAOS, Warning Signs of Bipolar Depression

Original Post Date: May 7, 2019

INTRODUCTION

Hello all you masters of words, today I’m feeling a bit down and under the weather.  This week has been very tough in fact, this month has been very tough.  I feel like my words aren’t being heard and I’m falling deeper into my depression.  I put on a brave face, its all an act.  Whenever someone ask how I am doing my generic response is “I’m doing just fine” clearly not true. I should get the Academy Award for best fake-smile. I’m far from being fine. I’m far from being normal, I mean what is normal?  The truth is I’m scared, I feel beat-up and I’m worn-out.  I am terrified of the things I can’t control.  I blogged about this before where there’s such anxiety of things that haven’t happened that I spend weeks trying to control. It’s like your on a train the deer on the track you see it but this little time to react. Just buckle up and hope for the best.  I’m so worn-out I been play at this game with a defeater’s attitude.  The constant fighting is wearing me down, trying to be everything to everyone.  Struggling is a term that is often used when describing an bipolar depression episode, however, I am beyond struggling I’m drowning. No rock I can crawl under will help hide the pain I am in. 

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*Twenty-Twenty

START, WAIT, CHANGE

INTRODUCTION

Hello all you champions of words, it’s been awhile since my last post.  Actually it’s been some weeks since my last post, October 29th to be exact with the (Off The Wagon) post however I feel the need to express myself once again. It’s hard trying to guess where to start. It’s even harder waiting but when it’s all said and done it’s the change that makes or breaks us.  I learned this truth living in a post Covid-19 world. Eight months ago life was normal now here’s three principles that play a role in our daily routine; START, WAIT and CHANGE. Today’s blog post is inspired by these words.

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*Twenty-Twenty, Blogs

FACES OF SUICIDE: Part I

The people featured in this blog are of those who struggle with mental health and are no longer with us. Their struggle has helped bring awareness to Bullying, Anxiety, Depression. These people are faces of suicide. If you or you know someone in a crisis, having thoughts of suicide or self harm call 911 immediately or contact The National Suicide Prevention Hotline at (800) 273-8255 (24/7 – 365 days) Together we can break the stigma of mental health. To check out these amazing people and how their struggle impacted our lives click on the links below.

  • Marion Aye (actress) April 5, 1903 – July 21, 1951 *suicide by poison* Distressed over her film career, Marion will make several attempts. That summer she took a bottle of bi-chloride of mercury tablets dying eleven days later in a Los Angeles Hospital. Her last words to her husband were: “I dropped one of the tablets on the floor and I’m afraid the dog will get it.” She was 48.
  • Capital Steelz (rapper) July 7, 1993 – Dec 24, 2012 *suicide by jumping* “The End” last Tweet post 11:59 pm EST on December 24, 2012 shortly after Capital Steez jumped from the top of Cinematic Music Group HQ in Manhattan to his death. He was 19
  • Leelah Alcorn (transgender teen) Nov 15, 1997 – Dec 28, 2014 *suicide struck by semi-truck on interstate 71* excerpts from suicide note post to Tumblr “People say “it gets better” but that isn’t true in my case. It gets worse. Each day I get worse. That’s the gist of it, that’s why I feel like killing myself. Sorry if that’s not a good enough reason for you, it’s good enough for me.” In the early morning of December 28th Leelah walked onto Interstate 71 and was struck by a semi-truck She was 17
  • Jonathan Brandis (actor) April 13, 1976 – Nov 12, 2003 *suicide by hanging* Jonathan didn’t leave a note but friends did state prior to his death he drank heavily and was depressed over his career. He also talked of ending his life. He was 27.

INTRODUCTION

Today I cried to point I couldn’t cry anymore.  If only I could’ve been there to help. If only I knew what to say. I would plead my case in the hopes of having my desperate pleads heard.  If only he could see the tears of pain begging him to stay. If only I can tell him how much he is loved.

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*Twenty-Nineteen

AMY AND ADAM

Interlude

Hello, I’m Sunny Larue known as the professional martini drinking blogger and diagnosed with bipolar. For my last blog post of twenty-nineteen, I thought I would finish a draft from summer where struggling with my mental state was very apparent. It’s no secret that one major contributing factors to my triggers is work related. This episode is a result of the stress of dealing with a workplace bully, unorganization of a temporary desk move and the loud sound of office renovation. Because of the chaos, I couldn’t jot down my thoughts in my journal instead I used post-it-notes and paper napkins. Once I pieced together my thoughts this blog took shape. Apologizing in advance my thoughts were all over the place. This happens when one is in the throws of a full blown bipolar episode.

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Uncategorized

ME, CHUM AND SIN CITY

Happy Hump Day to all you wizards of words, today blog post is about dealing with anxiety, my Chum his merry bandmates and Sin City. I know what an intro right? Trust me on this merry-go-round it will all come back around. The inspiration for this blog comes from my annual vacation to Vegas with my champions. Now buckle up and enjoy this ride.

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Uncategorized

CLOSED FOR BUSINESS

Hello words masters, today we all back at work from a long weekend that for us here in California seen a lot of rocking and rolling but despite all that I manage to quitely come down for yet another episode. Unlike the 7.1 magnitude quake we experienced, this episode was small but last longer than normal.

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