When does it comes a time to stop mourning the loss and just move on? There are different ways of mourning. People mourning a death of loved one and or the dissolution of a relationship. Some people choose to mourn by celebrating the life the legacy and then there are those who find themselves stuck in a moment of self doubt, loneliness, fear and uncertainty unable to move on. Today blog is about mourning the loss of a relationship.
Inspired By; my in-depth deep emotional conversation I had with one of my champions whom is going through a terrible divorce. Just when you think things can’t get any worse a new low hits you right in the gut and that’s what happened to her. For the last past 8 months my friend my soul-sister blindsided, banged up and hurt had to deal with a man who she loved turning into a stranger, confused she seeks answers as to why he checked out of the marriage. I told her that she may never know the truth other than what he’s been telling of her. For privacy reason I will keep the details to a minimum. A particular song comes to mind about this situation:
“Don’t Kill Me Slow” by Franz Ferdinand: Slow, don’t take it slow When you put on that hands That black velvet cap Well this is that Long due occasion You can wear it as Don’t send this invite back
Slow, don’t kill me slow Don’t kill me slow No, never never No, don’t kill me slow No, never never Kill me quick Kill me quicker If you can I cannot take it slow Don’t kill me slow
When you showed your executioner’s cap to me You put it on for me Said that I would see You’d kill whatever Sapped your love for me So put it on for me Put it on again.
Meeting My Soul Sister; to know my champion she’s one of the smartest brave beautiful person I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. If you asked to describe our relationship she would say it’s like the movie “Beaches”, I would say it’s more like “Thelma and Louise”. Our union is most unusual to say the least we were thrown together as outcast in a group of jaded bitches. The leader of the jade bitches tribe is a person we affectionately call “The Cunt”. We all use to hang out on the LA club scene back in the early 90’s. The LA club scene was a endless cycle of booze, pot and arena of men that fueled the party train. Because we were in committed relationships, the Cunt deemed us to be unfit to be apart of the jaded bitches inner circle. As the Cunt lead her jaded bitches around the LA club scene, myself and my soul sister would sit have a few drinks and people watch for the most part. Anyway as we spent more time together we both realize that we have a ton in common and batta-bing-batta-boom she and I became lifetime friends. Between the two of us, our friendship has outlasted the jaded bitches tribe, the Cunt of course, three divorces, death of our parents her father my parents, life threatening illness, childbirth so much we have endure together including this nightmare she’s currently experiencing.
Divorce Is A Horrible Thing; no one gets married and expect the relationship to end. When the relationship ends you feel like a failure wondering what you could’ve have done to fix the issues. All the marriage counseling can’t save what’s loss. You can’t be in a marriage with just one person putting in the effort so at what point do you stop mourning and just move on? AND do we really want to know the truth? Would the truth set you free? As for my soul sister she wants answers and until she get them she isn’t able to move on and she will continue to be in mourning. I use the term mourning as opposed to denial because she understands that her marriage is over and her ex has moved on for her she seeks answers as a way of closure. She believes seeking these answers will help her move beyond the realm of mourning.
Be Careful For What You Ask For; for my soul sister just when she thought the worst has passed and she gotten her answers ready to move on, her lovely ex drops another bomb that sends her back into a world of self doubt. As this news emerge, I can hear the disappointment in her voice as she’s crying telling me the news. Listening to her, I wonder why do she continue to let this man control her feelings? She continues to give this man power over her life. I just want to shake her and say “hey enough already stop mourning and just move on” but the reality is no matter what I say or anybody for that matter say is going to make a difference. I now realize there’s not set time to grieve. Everyone grieving process is different and I have no right to ask this of her. It’s easy to say to someone in pain to stop hurting and get over it but when you invested a lifetime of love it’s hard to just walk away. My soul sister is a lot stronger that she thinks. Right now she’s filled with self-doubt and not realizing her self worth. As her friend it’s hard and painful to see her this beautiful angel dimmers in the dark. My hope is that she sees there’s a light at the end of the tunnel that will bring her joy, happiness and peace.
Be Kind, Be Creative and Drink Responsibly
Slow, Don’t Kill Me by Franz Ferdinand on Always Ascending LP