Tag: Depression

CHICKEN SOUP FOR THE SOUL

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DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed healthcare professional. This blog is based on my own personal experience and not to be used as a self diagnosis guide. If you are experiencing thoughts of suicide, self harm or showing any symptoms of depression; SEEK MEDICAL ASSISTANCE FROM A LICENSE HEALTHCARE PROFESSIONAL or contact your local {Police Department}, {Fire Department}, {Hospital} or contact one of these facilities listed below or dial 9 1 1;

Vantage Point

National Institute of Mental Health

Substance Abused and Mental Health Service Administration (SAMHSA) 

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SURVIVING THE CHAOS, Warning Signs of Bipolar Depression

Hello all you masters of words, today I’m feeling a bit down and under the weather.  This week has been very tough in fact, this month has been very tough.  I feel like my words aren’t being heard and I’m falling deeper into my depression.  I put on a brave face, its all an act.  Whenever someone ask how I am doing my generic response is “I’m doing just fine” clearly not true. I should get the Academy Award for best fake-smile. I’m far from being fine. I’m far from being normal, I mean what is normal?  The truth is I’m scared, I feel beat-up and I’m worn-out.  I am terrified of the things I can’t control.  I blogged about this before where there’s such anxiety of things that haven’t happened that I spend weeks trying to control. It’s like your on a train the deer on the track you see it but this little time to react. Just buckle up and hope for the best.  I’m so worn-out I been play at this game with a defeater’s attitude.  The constant fighting is wearing me down, trying to be everything to everyone.  Struggling is a term that is often used when describing an bipolar depression episode, however, I am beyond struggling I’m drowning. No rock I can crawl under will help hide the pain I am in. 

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The Difference Between Sadness & Depression

Sadness vs Depression: Most people who don’t understand the difference between depression and sadness often get the two confused. It’s very difficult to articulate what an episode is like. When you are in the grips of a full on bipolar episode it’s difficult to navigate the muddy waters of dangerous.  These dangerous waters consists of emotions of feeling angry, helpless, guilt and for some ending it all.  When you are sad you get a little down but you are able to bounce back. Depression is quite the opposite. Your dealing with multitude of emotions all at once and your whole being can’t quite get a grip on reality.  Basicly is like a skydriver taking that jump confident the shoot will open only realizing halfway down your in trouble and there’s no one there to help break the fall. This is how I been feeling lately.  This feeling is what I call the uncontrollable factor.

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REMEMBER MY NAME

girl-1098612__340Today I am feeling lower than I can possibly go.  It’s shows.  My emotions are compromised and my strength my armor is slowly being chipped away.  With every frown or crossed stare I get from the powers to be, a crack appears on my armor.  If I stay here in this space, I fear there won’t be anything left.  It’s like that situation where you’re in a crowded room enjoying the scene then that evil force walks in sucking all the air and life out that’s how the current work space is.  Here it’s quite clear we all play by a different set of rules.  I should know this by now.  Naivety I hoped things would get better but with each inopportune moment is a slap in the face.  Yes they talk a good game but the truth is there’s no room for growth well if you are me in my position.  With all my experience the only thing I am good for is to sit here answering the few calls that comes through. 

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BITE YOUR LIP

I come to the conclusion when writing or blogging a thought or an idea to be honest.  When I write my words are a result from something traumatic in my life. These moments are like reflections.  Just like one would see a reflection in a mirror, words for a blogger/writer are just as such.  I find myself staring more and more at my words which are very emotional, raw, powerful and sometimes painful. Sometimes these emotions can be very difficult to face. It’s especially difficult putting yourself out on social media where the trolls thrive.  I often ask myself “is it worth the risk?”

 “It’s not wise to be on social media when having an episode”

rooster teethToo Much Noise:     There’s too much noise on social media particularly Twitter. Twitter is a place where people dealing with mental illness or disorder uses to express themselves. It’s in our nature to give out advice whether that advice is wanted or not. We live in a time where its custom to share our every aspect of our lives. For someone who is dealing with mental illness or disorder our thought process isn’t always easily articulated in a way for those who don’t understand the difference between a person with mental illness is venting, ranting or crying out for help. In which case the intent is often lost.

“It is wise to learn the difference between, venting, ranting & cry for help”

bipolarity-clipart-manic-depression-5Hello Chum:     I am a manic depressive. I refer to my disorder as my “Chum” because it’s a causal way of disarming people from judging. Usually when people see my Chum reference they offer up their experiences with dealing with mental disorder. When in the midst of a full-on breakdown that last thing, I want is advice on how to manage my episodes.  The gesture of prayers are good, powerful but can be reckless.  The reality is not all people share the same religious background. When offering up or expression such thoughtfulness, make sure the person is ready to receive. Sharing such thoughtfulness to someone who isn’t religious or share the same views can also be another trigger. Prayers isn’t a cure to mental illness or disorder.

“Don’t tell someone struggling with mental illness or disorder false truths.”

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“Prayers isn’t a cure for Mental Health, Mental Illness or Mental Disorder”

A4YbcDB69h-8Avenues For Derailing:     There’s a few avenues I turn to when trying to derail my manic episode.  Writing and Music.   For some social media is their outlet.  Don’t look at it as a cry for help.  Before you comment, know the signs.  Know the difference between venting, ranting and a cry for help.  Expressing frustration is one way to help heal and cope with mental illness or disorder.  When someone who has mental illness reach out via social media the best thing is to LISTEN. Don’t jump to conclusions and start calling the local police to do a wellness check. Don’t offer any words of encourage unless the person is willing to receive OR you have a personal relationship in which case giving advice, words of encouragement or even taking the necessary steps to help derail a manic episode is appreciated.  Most people aren’t religious so offering up prayers or should I say referencing prayers will cure all isn’t very helpful. That kind of engaging can be dangerous. Just go with the notion, that if you don’t understand what a person is saying don’t response or don’t engage.  

Navigating the Darkness:    Nicole Carmen is a few blogger who struggles with mental illness.  Her website “Navigating Darkness” follows her lifestyle as she copes with mental health.  Nicole has been featured blogger, and she is also a publicized mental health advocated. If you have any questions, Nicole is happy to answer.  

Education is the best way to understand how people who suffers from mental health issues navigate through the dark. After reading this blog, I’m happy to answer any questions.

That is all.

Be Kind.

la fin

 

ROAD RAGE

road rage clue flamesDriving down this road hatred fills my eyes.  Seeing red, I can feel the flames burning inside.  Waiting for that one slip up to release the beast that dances within. Cool as the morning dew sweetly fills the air, still can’t stop this living hell I am in. The more I drive down this dangerous road the more I feel alive and ready to fight.  Lying in wait, to pull the pin to explode. Looking in the rear view mirror I see the road I left behind.  Plenty of rocks left in my wake to over take that turn.  It’s all in the past now as I look forward still reeling with this anger.  Coming to the stop light blinker on left turn, then another left turn pulling into the drive of the fortress of destitute, realizing another nightmarish hell.  Seeing that brick wall I’m about to come crashing into just accepting this is my fate.

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