Today is Wed a hump day which is generally my favorite day of the week simply because I can say “Hump Day” and no one will get offended.  Today been a busy day at my paying job.  Looking around the office I noticing the colors a bright yellow, pink & green which is all good colors good sign and I wouldn’t have it any other way. 

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Still Dealing With The Affects Of Latest Episode

I’m still dealing with my latest meltdown.  I been listening to my playlist that consist of my favorite bands and songs.  Been watching some TV Netflix anything to up lift my spirits.  I haven’t been watching the news or anything that is traumatic.  I have been listening to slow songs from my favorite bands which isn’t a good thing because well it’s an emotional thing.  It’s never a good idea to listen things of loss when recovering from an episode but here I am.  It’s fitting FF’s “Don’t Kill Me Slow” it’s funny how the mind just reels and the irony.

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Make It Complete

As of late, I been forcing myself to do little things like call a friend or go for a walk or eat anything to keep moving.  I’m forcing myself to write.  The clicking of the keyboards coupled by the soothing music from my playlist is very calming and relaxing.  My head is getting back to where it needs to be. I cut back on varies drinks like liquor, Starbucks and Coke Zero.  Drinking more water is a cleansing not only for the body for the mind.  I don’t know I sometime make things up as I go you know do anything not to fall back into the rabbit hole.  Once you fall back it’s quite hard to pick yourself up and dust off get back on that horse.  I am a bit emotional desperate. 

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Faking It Until You Make It

I’m getting good at faking it.  What I mean is that people see me with a smile that’s not faked, however, the energy it takes for me to crack open a smile that’s hard and now it’s getting easy.  I grin and bear it because the response back is inspiring.  People seem to think a grin or a smile brightens their day which is a good thing but in reality it helps me be human.  It helps me fight my battle with my little Chum who loves to turn my world inside out.  So I fake a smile, I do so because smile after smile I feel the response of joy and by the 8th or 9th smile I feel the love, that’s not faked.  It’s a win, win situation in other words I made it.

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Moving On

This will probably be the last time I speak of this meltdown.  I must say this one wasn’t as big or as long as normal episode.  Good gosh normal episodes having depressive meltdown isn’t normal.  I shouldn’t speak of my Chum in such a way giving cause.  The interesting part about all of this is I’m not normal.  I never desired to be normal.  My manic episodes varies and that’s not normal…..LMAO.  Writing and sharing this experience has helped me deal with myself.  Holding that mirror looking at what’s in front of you isn’t easy.  Still when holding the mirror I see a beautiful person who heart is filled with gold and that’s a good thing.

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The End

Well as the French say “C′est la fin” this is the end.  I thank you all for indulging me on this journey.  In light of the hatred of the past week with MAGA and the attack on actor Jussie Smolett I challenge each every one of you who read this blog this far to be kind, to have compassion, be empathic you never know what a person struggles are and you act of kindness may change a person life.

For more reads in my Confessions of a Depressive Mind Series try these…..
Repair My Armor
Crying In The Shadows
My Beloved
My Big Brother
Big Lips
My Chum
Confessions of a Depressed Mind
Something Interesting
Welcome to the Dance
In the Trenches
Diary of a Manic Depressive
Uncontrollable Chaos
Bite Your Lips
Chicken Soup for the Soul
The High Card
#likeoneanother
Closed for Business
Lemons
Stranger Thin

Until next time…….